I am #BreakingCodeSilence Natalie Silver PROVO CANYON SCHOOL #324 99-00 I was groomed extremely well by an older gang leader by 13/14. I was dropped off at a shelter/detention center in Blanding Utah by my father in 1998. He said I don’t want you, and to ring the bell… after I had taken off I don’t know how many times. Before that I had lived with my mother in Nebraska. He didn’t have custody of me. I was put in detention because of abuse and uncontrollable and then charged by the State of Utah. After that I was put in PCS in 1999. where i was drugged by Dr Crist with over ten medications. I attempted suicide once, had multiple flashbacks of abuse suffered each time was thrown in Seclusion/OBS/Confinement….. my therapist Itzel Montero said everything I said was a lie and refused to let me speak. What are your real issues, what are your real problems? She’d say… and throw her shoe at me at times.. I had to flip a coin to only yes or no questions only.. even for roll call… heads was the truth tails was a lie, and I’d get a class two and more time or punishment added every time it landed on tails… I remember having to keep something in my right shoe also that I had to step on that was agonizing.. And some mantra I had to keep repeating to myself each time I felt it….. At one point I received a box from my mom. When I opened it, it smelled like her. I was only 16 and hadn’t seen my mom in over two years. I totally lost my shit. I cried and cried and bawled…. I got DIAL 9’d that day for showing emotion I suppose, thrown into OBS screaming for my mom whose smell lingered in my nostrils. that box just outside my reach… I became so desperate before my 17th birthday I decided my only way out was to die. I remember asking to take a chair and slipping my shoelace out and finally going for it. I faintly remember Clara saying get the scissors. I saw my friends get drugged, cry, tortured, a few had some really fucked up medical issues now because of these assholes. The only highlight was seeing who got the best grades the lovely women and men who have come out such fucking warriors. After PCS I went to Country Cottage in Hurricane/St George where I became pregnant within a month, shipped off again, only to find no one in Utah wanted a pregnant teen. The state found me a liability, insisted abortion but i refused to sign, even with a “parents” meaning the state consent they still needed mine? Also the threat of media was a nice touch. They did find me a foster family. she was full of tough love. She saved me, my child. She taught me to think of me… I was grown now and in college. I did not need to be in state custody. I was over the age of 18, had already had a child, valedictorian of my high school class, I busted my ass to do better. I left ………….or ran pick one. I am #BreakingCodeSilence Natalie Silver PROVO CANYON SCHOOL #324 99-00